1. Acknowledging the emotion and issues present in one’s life will help to provide more objective and consistent therapy (p. 45). But the idea of providing more consistent therapy raises a question for me. If client centered therapy is centered on the client, then shouldn’t the therapy reflect the client’s need? And if each client (being unique) has different needs, shouldn’t the therapy change with each client? 2. “Those who become too involved in their work pay a dear price in giving up leisure time and a private life; those who too assertively distance themselves from therapeutic sessions risk emotional sterility in other relationships.” (p. 75). Compartmentalization is lauded as the therapists protection against becoming over-involved in the client or “taking the work home,” but it is imperative to point out the consequences of over-compartmentalization. I had never considered that distancing oneself from clients could lead to distancing in other relationships. When creating a personal technique for dealing with the pressures of clinical work, it is important to keep in mind all the consequences.
1. I appreciate Kottler’s (2003) honesty and candor in the “Taking Our Own Advice section” in which he writes, “It is the ultimate hypocrisy of our profession that we do not or cannot do the same things we ask of our students and clients” (p. 57). It is convicting and embarrassing to sit with a client and discuss sleep hygiene when I am sleep deprived. It is hypocritical to work with a client struggling to figure out how to knock down the emotional wall they’ve constructed when I have a flag waving proudly atop my own emotional wall.
2. I appreciate Kottler’s (2003) recognition of the fears of inadequacy and avoidance of failure that therapists in training face. His discussion of politics, power struggles and the “dysfunctional family” (p. 86) dynamic reminded me of the working environment at a previous internship site. Some professionals were engaged in ongoing relationship conflicts with each other. While this clearly affected the relationship dynamics and morale of all the staff, I wondered if this also decreased the therapists’ effectiveness with their clients. How does a therapist see six clients a day while simultaneously engaging in the emotional strain of colleague office drama? My best defense in navigating the situation as an intern was to keep my head down, avoid the line of fire, and stay neutral until personal squabbles were eventually resolved. Just like clients, colleagues have different personalities and quirks. Focusing on colleague strengths and presuming the best (as opposed to the worst) helped me stay sane, maintain professional working relationships over the long term and focus the majority of my energy where it belonged - on the clients.
Response to Rebecca’s 1st question:
You’ve raised great questions. I think client centered therapy is a reflection of what Carl Rogers thinks all clients need. While many have adopted his strategies, therapists may or may not strictly adhere to this approach as evidenced by the variety of approaches to therapy and combinations that exist. In my view, it is helpful for a therapist to view their clients as unique and to be flexible in selecting interventions (when possible and appropriate) that they think best meet client need. Having said this, some approaches to therapy can accommodate a variety of client needs. Therapists can also conduct therapy through one theoretical approach while utilizing interventions from other approaches so the therapy will look somewhat “different” for different clients. This calls for a balance of knowledge, training and expertise. For example, a therapist working from a cognitive-behavioral or Adlerian perspective may also utilize interventions from Gestalt therapy and post-modern therapies (granted they have proper training) if they think it would be helpful for a client. There are many views on this topic, as therapists can select one therapeutic approach, a combination of approaches or choose to be eclectic which grants even more freedom in selecting interventions. Whatever therapists decide, discussing approaches and possible interventions with clients beforehand empowers them to make their own decisions about what may best meet their needs. As we are learning in client centered therapy, it is the therapist’s attitudes that are the intervention or instrument of change - not knowledge or techniques.
References
Kottler, J. (2003). On being a therapist. San Francisco: Jossey Bass
1. "My work in any given moment is the product of who I have become up to that very instant" (Kottler, 71). Kottler talks about how our own experiences, our own stories, our own victories and failures will affect what kind of therapists we become. What is one thing you have experienced in your life, up to this very moment, that you think is valuable to you as a future psychologist?
2. Kottler states that it is difficult and exhausting for a therapist to love their client "nonsexually" (Kottler, 90). I had to take some time to process this section of the chapter because I assumed that I would be immune from this struggle. For some reason I did not think that it was something that I would have a difficult time with. I had to remind myself that I am a fallen being, who is capable of falling into sin if I don't protect myself. It compelled me to remember how important it is to ask for the Lord's strength and how much I need to rely on Him.
Sarah Moon, November 7, 2009
In Response to Melissa Curri's 1st comment:
I asked myself the same question about "taking our own advice" (Kottler, 56) . For example, I know that I shy away from confrontation within my family even when I know it'd be best to bring things to the surface. However, I would probably advise people that it is healthy to have open and honest conversations with family members. I have always been great at giving my friends advice about conflict resolution and the importance of communication within the family, but when it comes to my own life I still have a lot to work on.
1) Kottler mentions that beginning therapists are often nervous, and are made more nervous because of the variety of conflicting comments they receive from supervisors. One student was given a range of responses on her intervention from “This statement appears unwarranted” to “Excellent response!” (Kottler, p. 74). How, as beginning therapists, are we supposed to wade through the variety of opinions of our superiors and find what actually works?
2) According to Herron and Welt, “Therapists have a tangled relationship with money, creating guilt and conflict in our lives” (Kottler, p. 111). I’m not in this program for the money, and yet because of this program I have major loans that will require me to make money to pay off. I am trying to figure out if it is possible to justify charging people for empathy and warmth. Does this not make me any different than a salesperson? Can people really feel unconditional positive regard when it is dependent on a fee?
In response to Sarah's 2nd comment:
I, too, have felt that all the warnings about sexual intimacies with clients is overkill, especially to a group that mainly consists of Christian women. Yet according to Kottler, 87% of therapists admit to being sexually attracted to their clients at some point (p. 84-85). This makes me wonder if many of these therapists initially felt the same way, thinking that there was no way that they would ever be sexually tempted by a client. Perhaps the reason so many therapists fall into this temptation is because it seems like such a ridiculous concept that they ignore the need to prepare for it.
1) “Failures are absolutely critical to a therapists continued development, that is, if we are willing to acknowledge them” (Kottler, 113). It’s interesting that we as therapists are trying to help people deal with the places of failure in their lives but at the same time in order for us to grow and become better at what we do, we have to be comfortable in recognizing our own failures. You know, now that I think about it, embracing short comings is part of being congruent. We need to know our limitations and our failures can serve as signs to let us know where we come up short. We are contradicting ourselves as therapists, when we are trying to help someone else do the very thing we refuse to do ourselves.
2) While reading this book, I have been working on deconstructing all of the stereotypes I have had or heard about therapists. One that I’ve heard more than once, is how great and infallible therapists are supposed to be. Of course I know this is absolutely not true, most of us know that is not true, but I’m glad Kottler addresses it anyway. “…a therapist is a fallible human being subject to quirks, biases, errors, misjudgments and distortions of reality” (Kottler,45). Even though we know that we as individuals are not perfect we still tend to think that we should be because we have the role of a therapist. Somehow, we figure our lives should be perfect. But why, we are human, just like our clients. We are people who have lives that consist of ups and downs. That is something we should not forget.
In response to Rachel’s 2nd comment, 3) Rachel, I have the same question. How genuine am I really being if I’m getting paid to be attentive, warm and empathic? But because we live in a capitalist society, in a way we are selling empathy, warmth and attentiveness to people who need it. They are aware of the fact that they are being offered a service and services require monetary compensation. I think it is just a fact of life that we have to deal with.
1. Kottler discusses the benefits and the downfalls of a therapist self-disclosing to a client (p 66-67). He mentions the therapist may be seen by the client as a “real” person when they self disclose. However, self-disclosure with a client may also provide an unmet need of a reciprocating relationship for the therapist, which obviously is not appropriate when they are providing therapy. Fortunately in the Client Centered approach, the therapy is non-directed and focused on reframing and mirroring the client which should minimize self-disclosure becoming an issue.
2. What does it really mean? Kottler described a time when a client shared a dream with him and then asked him what he thought her dream meant (p79). After the session, he sought consultation from his peers and he received discrepant feedback. His peers gave him five different suggestions for the same case. Which one was correct? What did the dream mean? Who really knows?
Response to Rachel’s 2nd question That is a great question. People seek professional help with serious problems that affect their daily functioning. If the problem is medical, they can go to an MD; if the problem is legal, they can go to a JD; if the problem is emotional/psychological, they can go to a Phd/PsyD. Regardless of the problems origin, there is an appropriate fee associated with professional help.
1. I really appreciated both of these chapters in the reading as I felt like they dig down to the personal issues we will face as therapists. I found myself relating a great deal with Kottler's comment that "The decision to work to improve the mental health of others is a choice to improve ourselves in the process" (2003, p.46). I've experienced this in a church counseling ministry that I was involved with and we cannot deny the truth of this statement. Although we may enter the field to help others, there also is the great possibility for us to be transformed as well.
2.In chapter four, I found Kottler's point about the array of various feedback we will get to ring true even now as we are just beginning. Kottler states "Perhaps most stressful of all for neophytes is reconciling the discrepant feedback they receive" (2003, p. 71). Personally, I've felt this already and you may have too. Some reflective questions we probably need to ask ourselves now include those about who we're doing this for, who we want to be and how we can discern the correct path to take in various circumstances.
Nikki Frederick 11/9/09
In response to Sarah's second comment: I believe it may look a little different for some women, but still something we need to be prepared for. We may have more of an emotional "lust" for some clients because we will know them so well. If anything in our own hearts is yearning for validation, support, the need to be cherished, etc., we may find ourselves very vulnerable to the person sitting across from us, even if we aren't at first sexually attracted to him.
1. I appreciate how Kottler mentions the struggle of using self disclosure in therapy, and what it means to use self disclosure both for the good of the client and conversely for one's own good. Thankfully, in client-centered therapy it is not as much of an issue as in other models, but I still find that it is important to think about. Kottler brings up a good point that it can be used for the emotional benefit of the therapist more than it can to further therapy. To me, this is where the major line is drawn between friendship and therapy; in therapy the self-disclosure is strategic and for no personal gain, but in friendship there is good and take. (Kottler, pp. 66-67)
2. The way Kottler mentions burnout is frankly a little intimidating. He makes it sound almost insurmountable to me, and while I know that it is certainly something to try and prevent through self care and knowledge of what could cause burnout, i almost feel like he is trying to scare us into not burning out, or maybe into rethinking our options. What are your opinions on burnout? (Kottler pp. 75)
Response to Melissa's second comment:
That sounds like an amazing strategy for not being overwhelmed by it all! I have had several people in high-burnout occupations tell me that they operate under a similar strategy, and I have found that conflict around them is lower when they do focus on the positives. That is certainly something to keep in mind.
1. Kottler ends the chapter about the personal and professional lives of therapists by stating that therapists are “complex” beings (73). Earlier in the chapter, he states that therapists are constantly working and “using what we know and can do” (46). It seems unavoidable that the more a therapists stays in the therapist mode, the more they see their complexities. This almost seems like Kottler is suggesting that the therapist role is fused to a person’s identity. Is this what he is actually saying, or is he talking about the natural skills and abilities of a therapist?
2. I like what Kottler says about therapists having “the privilege of knowing what people really think” (60). Therapists can create an environment for client to express themselves authentically without the fear of harm or rejection. It is as if therapists NEED clients to be honest with them. Or this at least needs to be one of their goals in the therapist-client relationship.
3. In response to Takisha’s second comment: I completely agree with your questions. Even though dreams are significant, who really knows what they mean? I think the role of therapists is to simply sit and be present with their client as the client wrestles with the dreams. I personally do not think the therapist will know the exact interpretations of dreams, but it may help for the therapist to pull things out of the client by digging deeper into that dream and helping the client become aware of things he or she was not.
1) I really appreciated Kottler's honesty in this book. It was refreshing to see him admit to humanness and at the same time look for healthy ways to cope. I feel like I could extract quotes from these chapters and turn it into an inspirational/self-help calendar for therapists :).Kottler gave an example of a time when he could not answer a client's question and he said, "I did what any self-respecting therapist in my position would do--I stalled and put the focus on her until I could get some help:'That is a good question. What do YOU think it means?'" (p. 71). This made me laugh. I think this will be a great tool for us as we are beginning.
2) Kottler pointed out that most therapists struggle with "not the need for intimacy but its avoidance" (p.83). This really struck me because therapists spend all day developing what Kottler calls "one-way intimacy" and then are not experiencing intimacy themselves. We can only imagine how difficult this would be for the therapist's spouse, children, friends, and so forth. I think this can be a temptation for us as therapists-in-training as well. Kottler drew my attention to the need to be intentional about fostering intimacy in my relationships.
In response to Melissa's 2nd comment...I had not thought of the potential for office drama in a clinical environment! That is definitely something to prepare for as it is likely to happen and could really affect our work as beginning therapists. I agree that it probablt affected their work as well--like whether they were able to consult when they needed too?
1. One thing that Kottler discusses in learning from our clients. He says that it is a great benefit to be able to learn from our clients on a daily basis (p. 59). I think this is a great aspect of being in a relationship. We can learn from each other. And what we learn about our clients can be used to benefit and help others heal. The question I have concerns letting clients this. Is there an appropriate time and place to disclose to our clients that we have learned from them? Can telling our clients this be beneficial?
2. I think it is really interesting that Kottler discusses the speed of sessions and the speed of the healing process (p. 71). I mostly think that the client is the one guiding the session and how fast they want to move is the speed of the session and healing process. I did not realize that if the therapist is not willing to move there with them, this can greatly affect the therapy process. It can be detrimental. I think this is really great insight and something we should all be aware of. Are we able to move at the client’s speed rather than our own whether it is faster or slower?
Response to Takisha’s second comment: I think that we can approach the whole dream interpretation issue in a Rogerian way. What did the dream mean for the client? I personally don’t think that there is one specific interpretation of a dream. I think that it is up to the person to decide what it really means to them. Yes, this can be frustrating, but I also think it is powerful for the client to figure out it out for themselves. It is a step to self-actualizing.
1.) Kottler refers to Basescu’s reasons for self-disclosure. They are numerous but close with, “it is never, never to be used to meet one’s personal needs” (p. 66). This has been echoed in class as well. However, the author’s whole point in this chapter is about the unavoidable tangling of a therapist’s personal and professional lives, and both the benefits and pitfalls of this. Considering that, do you think it is possible for self-disclosure to not meet your own needs in some sense? Self-disclosure often feels good and when it does not, you still may feel better that it is off your chest. So I would say that a better quote would be “never, never to be used only to meet one’s personal needs.” It is obviously useful at times and will often, if not always, benefit you as well. The only question then should be, “is this the best method I can use to help this client at this specific moment?”
2.) I found Kottler’s comment that “to love someone unconditionally, nonpossessively, nonsexually, with warmth, empathy and genuineness is exhausting,” (p. 90) to be amazingly enlightening. Though we have been discussing the therapeutic triad, and last week with the Roberts article discussed Christian critique of Rogers, this has been the biggest “Aha” moment for me. This sentence is exactly what is expected of us and I know I have no hope of doing it perfectly. My only hope is that I am a Christian and strive to be like my Lord and this is what He does for 7 billion people every day. So regardless of my client’s faith tradition, I can walk into each session with the thought that is an opportunity to love them and help in exactly the way Jesus himself would.
Jonathan Wellman November 9, 2009
Response to Rebecca Kulzer’s second comment:
I think compartmentalization is sometimes completely necessary and often completely unhealthy. The former Navy psychologist who was at Fuller today mentioned that soldiers in war are forced to compartmentalize but pay a heavy price for it later with at least combat stress if not fully diagnosable PTSD. She also mentioned that she had developed PTSD, presumably in part from hearing these type of stories over and over again. In a similar way I think therapists do have to compartmentalize, but they must be on guard against compartmentalizing their personal relationships as well as their therapeutic ones. We also have to deal with all the disturbing events we hear get to hear about and vicariously experience. But that raises another question – what do we do when, as Kottler described on pages 84-85, a client’s story so deeply disturbs us that we start reliving it? Do we get our own therapy? And what crosses the bounds of confidentiality if we do engage in our own therapy?
1) I, like so many of my classmates was struck by the honesty and transparency that Kottler shows in this book. Some aspects are refreshing and some are concerning. When he mentions, "If we analyze the content of our sessions, regardless of clients' presenting symptoms, we will find our most disturbing themes and things we best understand" (p. 49). This seems like quite a shift of gears after immersing myself in Rogers' book. At first I thought that Kottler's comment was off the mark and could not possibly be reconciled with CCT. But after thinking about it, I realized that he may be referring to the knowledge set that the therapist is bringing in-not necessarily their personal bias. In other words, even in non-directive CCT, the therapist must have a set of knowledge and an awareness of when to interject with reflection, warm comments, and unconditional positive regard. The therapist determines when these tools are used, and I think Kottler is recognizing this. The therapist is never without bias...even when they are attempting to be non-directive.
2) Kottler's stories and references seem to drive home even further the importance of personal development and psychotherapy on the part of the therapist. The story about a client who was attacked at the front door by a friend she ran into was horrific, and Kottler developed a fear just by hearing her account as though he vicariously experienced it (p. 80). It seems hard enough to deal with the ups and downs of life and to contend with forces of injustice that exist around us, but then to take on the emotional baggage of certain clients seems very heavy. If you are truly practicing empathy and genuineness, it seems that you would feel like you have almost been through the emotions with your client. This raises the question: if you do not engage in your own psychotherapy as a therapist, are you giving your clients the best version of you possible? For me, at least, I can say my answer is no. Thus I intend to have my own therapist for as long as I am in practice.
Response to Takisha's #2...
Takisha, this is something I have always wondered about even before I began studying psychology. I find it interesting that if a client asked about an experience that they consciously had in their non-dream life, the therapist would likely engage in collaborative interpretation or ask, "what do you think it meant?" But when it comes to dreams, somehow there is an actual meaning that only a third party can provide? I think that dreams can have meaning, and they can also be completely arbitrary and random. Nobody knows for sure what whether the former or the latter applies when hearing about someone else's dreams. I am glad you brought this up...and as you say, "who really knows?"
1. The author talks about how nice it would be if the therapist lives out his/her life as he/she advices the client (Kottler, p. 57). This portion reminded me of the song "Where's the Love?" by Black Eyed Peas. Part of the lyrics goes like this: "Can you practice what you preach. And would you turn the other cheek" I'm not sure if the group is Christian, but as a Christian it made me think a lot about what it means to be congruent in my speech and actions.
2. Here and there I heard people say that psychotherapist can be an extremely stressful job. I kind of had it noted some where in my head, without giving much thought to it. But the author's personal story from client being assaulted by a fellow high school almumi and the incompetence that a therapist may experience helped me grasp a better sense of what some of those stress may be like.
Response to Sarah Moon: For me, having experienced different cultures during my youth, help me to appreciate and value differences. Many adults that I are close with have strong stereotypes attached with ethnic groups other than their own. But my past experiences allow me to more objectively perceive different cultures.
I found Kottler's section on therapists taking their own advice poignant(56-58). I find, as I'm sure a lot of people do, that it's easier to talk about what we need to do than it is to actually do them. For example, it was terribly ironic that a couple years ago I was talking to a high school girl about the necessity of getting a good night's sleep. I have never been good about getting enough sleep, particularly not when I was in high school. I feel kind of phony in moments like that. I wonder if client's can pick up on that at all?
I got a kick out of the story Kottler tells about giving the student directions to the classroom (starting on 51), making the point that therapists like to feel helpful. I, no doubt, love to feel like I am helping someone. Unfortunately, that is something that can be ambiguous. Help tends to look different from one person to the next. Furthermore, finding the person with the right combination of wanting help and wanting to put forth some effort can be hit and miss. Maybe that is what's so appealing about straight forward tasks such as giving someone directions to a specific location...
Response to Sarah: One thing that I've experienced that I think will be helpful to me as a psychologist is...well...I want to be a neuropsychologist. I've had a traumatic brain injury. I guess that gives me a little credibility when I try to relate to a patient who has experienced something similar and say...has to dedicate an entire day toward neuropsychological assessment.
1. 1. According to Kottler, “there is a ‘distancing aura’ in which the clinician detaches himself not only from the therapeutic encounter but also from the activities of professional societies and home life” (Kottler, 40). This is one of my greatest fears, that I will be detached from my family and friends because I will be stuck in my therapist role in all facets of my life. How does one balance their role as therapist and the other roles in their life? How does one avoid having emotional intimacy with a client and not engaging one’s significant other in emotionally intimate discussions? I am fearful that my career choice will result in my not being fully present in my other relationships because of the demands that are placed on a therapist, consequently, how can one avoid adopting this “distancing aura”?
2. 2. I could particularly related to the section on “Special problems of beginners” in which Kottler states, “Perhaps the most stressful of all for neophytes is reconciling the discrepant feedback they receive” (Kottler, 71). Although I am not seeing clients yet, I have already found this to be very true. I find myself sitting in classes thinking “Wait, that’s not what Dr. So-and-so said in his class…” and trying to reconcile the conflicting messages I am being presented with, particularly in Integration and Clinical Foundations. I am coming to realize that one of the most difficult things about being a therapist is that there are not a lot of absolutes and a great deal of being a therapist, particularly a congruent therapist, is finding out what works for you. All one can do is take advice, try things out, and be willing to adjust if it does not work or feel congruent. Consequently, I am coming to realize that therapy is largely about who the therapist is and what they bring to their clients (e.g. worldview, personality, experiences…) and how to use one’s own attributes to best meet the needs of the client.
3. Response to Sarah Moon's 2nd comment: I agree. This concept of being sexually attracted to a client is something I have been thinking a lot about as well. Previously, I never would have thought of this as being a potential issue for me, however, because of the emotional intimacy inherent within the therapeutic relationship, I think this is a greater threat than I had previously acknowledged and yet another reason to be engaging in self-care and one’s own relationships outside of one’s profession. I have also been thinking about this component of the therapeutic relationship in relation to one’s own romantic relationships. As someone who is in a serious romantic relationship with a marriage and family therapist, I am beginning to understand how much trust is required as the significant other of a therapeutic professional because of the confidentiality of such work and the high amount of intimacy inherent within the client-therapist relationship. However, I would contend that engaging in self-care and investing in one’s own relationships is one’s best defense in this scenario.
3. In response to Ashley Wilkens’ second comment: I believe it is important to maintain self-care throughout the entirety of ones career as a preventative measure. Kottler emphasizes the importance of self-care and taking time now as an investment in your well-being later. I agree that burn out happens as a result of one not taking care of oneself. We are not superheroes (even if we would like to be) and we cannot save the whole world. It is important to remember to take time out for yourself-especially for your family. Otherwise your kid will be in therapy complaining how they never saw you growing up They teach you in first aid that you must ensure your survival first because if you are trying to save multiple victims who don’t know how to save themselves, you are their only chance of survival therefore your survival is the most important.
1) I absolutely loved diving into this book and I feel like it was full of great tidbits of wisdom. It also renewed my excitement for becoming a therapist - and made me laugh! However, there were things in these chapters that were very sobering and thought-provoking. One passage that particularly struck me was Kottler's description of his client "Elena" (pp. 55-56). He talks about the impossibility of truly understanding her world and her perspective because they come from such different backgrounds. As Elena seems set on a course of action that seems unhealthy, Kottler ponders what, exactly, he will be able to do for her in therapy without giving her false hope or expecting her to choose a path that is beyond her ability. "I realize that she is resigned to what she must do; I am the one who is not willing to accept her choices. Whose problem is this? I wonder." (p. 56) How many times will we see this happen with our own clients? Feel this sense of disconnection, almost hopelessness? How do we deal with that and still move forward in therapy?
2) I was also convicted by Kottler's thoughts on therapists' hypocrisy - we don't take our own advice (p. 57)! I can see how true this is for me personally; I sometimes see myself and berate myself in a way that I would never feel is healthy for one of my clients. Day after day we may realize that the things we tell our clients, things of utmost importance, take a back seat in our own lives. This is why I think it's so essential that we seek our own therapy, so we can continually work on taking our own advice.
Response to Jamie's second comment: I absolutely loved this story too! It got me in touch with the simple but powerful sense of joy that comes from helping someone. It's a great reminder of one of the major reasons I was interested in this profession in the first place. I also considered, however, the truth that we do need to be sensitive to whether we are really being helpful when we offer our help to others. How will they receive what we are trying to give? How can we offer it in a way that might be powerful and truly heard?
1) In chapter 3 Kottler talks about inability of a therapist to turn it off, "that we are really never off duty" (p.43) I find this true in my life, even before I was had my masters in social work. I find it really difficult to have any relationships with people when they know what I am doing. They come to me for advice, and want to know what I think. None of that is bad, but what I find happens is that in my mutual relationships (ones where we are supposed to be equals and care mutually about the other) I end up not being cared for. I have had to fight hard to keep certain relationships from becoming this way, and those tend to be the people that I would consider friends who have known me for a while.
2)"Now the challenge is for us to keep away their demons" (p. 78). I find this all too true. The first two weeks of working at a mental health clinic, I had trouble sleeping. The first night after working at a mental hospital I cried myself to sleep because I had a hard time dealing with an paranoid schizophrenic patient who had full blown AIDS who was physically tormented by her voices. They infected me with their personality, all because of the fact that I did what Rogers said we must to be good therapist: I cared.
3) In reponse to Rachael Wittern's #2) One of the things that has been proven to be true is that people value what the pay for. Obviously, we don't want payment to become another treatment issue, but at the same time some financial investment actually helps the client value what is happening in the relationship. Of course, valuing your own time by charging money is an important message to yourself, and will help you from resenting the clients when things like loans and rent come due.
1) Kottler says that “it is naïve to pretend that the client assumes complete responsibility for introducing the content and direction of treatment” (45). I suppose Rogers would say that most of the content should still come from the client. However, in my experience in Live Team, I realized that even in client-centered therapy, the therapist has more power to direct the flow than one would first assume. That's something to be aware of during therapy.
2)One of the occupational hazards that Kottler mentions is the sense of futility that accompanies clients who don't appear to improve or even digress (Kottler, 103). That's something that I know I'll have to be on guard for because like most, I am sensitive to failure and feeling like a waste. Kottler says that futility first attacks innocence, then compassion, and lastly identity. I wonder if there is any way to reverse the process once a therapist can sense that he/she is slipping into this path.
David Choi, November 10, 2009
In response to Sam's 2nd comment:
That story of the assault also stood out to me. It would be very difficult to leave this kind of traumatic experience out of the office. But I think I also appreciate what Kottler mentions about therapists being able to experience many lives. Some for the better, some for the worse.
1) Kottler states that “to facilitate trust, the therapist must feel comfortable facing intimacy without fear” (44), and although I agree that this is the ideal that both the therapist (in personal and professional roles) and the client strive for, do we ever get to the point, as fallen human beings, of being able to face true and deep intimacy without a sense (however small that may be) of fear (manifested in such things as intimidation, anxiety, etc.)? This seems so theoretical but hard to experience practically on the deepest level. Yet, Kottler argues that this is what “teaches [the client] that true intimacy is indeed possible” (44), yet later he admits that “we can flee, but there is nowhere to hide. Every working day holds for us a confrontation with the issues we fear most” (49). Isn't it possible to have true intimacy even with a small sense of fear, working through that fear to share despite that fear? (Kottler, 44-49).
2) The topic of therapist-client boundaries is still a very complex issue for me to understand. What are concrete healthy boundaries for this relationship? (It seems to change based on the theoretical model and on the dynamics between the client and therapist, yet there are overarching universally true boundaries.) The resulting gray areas are of concern. Kottler argues that as therapists we “risk annihilation of our identity in every session with a client. We risk not only the submergence of our self in another but also continual confrontation with our own vulnerabilities” (46). It seems dangerous to say that we risk our identity in session with the client; doesn’t this contradict the idea that the therapist is supposed to be the stable relationship (sounding board) through which the client finds his or her own identity? The therapist needs a certain sense of stability. Perhaps this is very dramatically phrased and simply means that as therapists we need to stay open minded and willing to work from the structure that the client brings into the room (not necessarily “giving up” our own identity even while acknowledging the different identity of the client)? The same danger seems inherent in “submerging ourselves in another” because although we are supposed to take on the client’s perspective as much as we are able to, we are not to lose the boundary between self and other (co-dependent). Regarding the related topic of therapist self-disclosure, Kottler argues, “certainly such life transitions and crises cannot be fully shelved by the person experiencing them” (42). This is a really grace-giving statement since, from my perspective, people are told to compartmentalize their lives into personal and professional roles and many times have guilt placed upon them if these two areas of their lives overlap. Even the admission that certain personal aspects cannot be fully “shelved” is refreshing and encouraging to those who desire to be genuine and yet are afraid to admit short-comings/limitations. I think that acknowledging these things allows for honesty without fear of being shamed. (Kottler, 42-46).
Response to Sarah Moon’s response to Melissa Curri’s 1st comment:
I think this question is one aspect of what I was trying to verbalize in my two responses. We are to take our own advice (about being genuine and honest) and therefore there should be room for admitting that we are a product of our environment and our experiences and that these things cannot be “shelved” while in the therapy session (Kottler, 42). In some aspects it seems that not admitting this would be a detriment to therapy because it is through the genuine human relationship (including these personal issues) that healing is created. Although it is important for clients to see a healthy example of how to live life, it is also important for them to know that their therapist is not perfect and that everyone struggles with these issues (getting enough sleep, struggling to knock down emotional walls, facing confrontation, etc.). Perhaps, to a certain (even if small) extent, this shows the client an example of having grace with himself or herself.
1) Kottler addresses the “fusion of roles,” which we have discussed in a number of our classes. Just as Dr. Bjork mentions in Ethics, the author argues that the therapist inadvertently integrates a vast majority of their personal and professional selves into a unified whole. I think that this concept is vital to the survival of a therapist over the long-term of his or her career. We cannot separate ourselves from our “therapist identity” and expect to remain lively and honest in the entirety of our lives. I wouldn’t argue that there should be no boundaries between our work and personal lives (it is important to be able to distance yourself at times), but I think that the very idea of “distance” is problematic. I think I prefer the word accept, meaning that we can accept the good and bad of our profession and remain positive and functional in it.
2) If any reading from this quarter may have deterred us from continuing in our journey towards counseling, then Kottler’s fourth chapter would certainly fit the bill. However scary the words might have been, though, I think that it is vital to warn new mental health professionals about the expected difficulties they may encounter. I found especially revealing the section on isolation. While I have anticipated many of the difficulties mentioned, isolation is not one that had entered my thoughts yet. Being in close proximity to people all day in an intimate relationship with each doesn’t necessarily suggest that one of them should feel alone. The therapists awareness of his or her own limits is essential it seems to balancing the personal and professional realms.
In Response to Takisha’s Response #2: I found that portion of the reading very interesting as well. “What does this mean?” I think that this example points to one of the strengths of client-centered therapy, though, in that it is the client who ultimately defines their own reality. What it means for the therapist has little to do with how the meaning will affect the client. Often clients want direction in interpreting many things, but if the meaning they ascribe will have any positive influence it must come from within.
1. "It is the ultimate hypocrisy of our profession that we do not or cannot do the same things we ask of our students and clients" (p. 57). It's interesting that Kottler puts so much emphasis on "taking our own advice". I think that it is a good policy to practice what we preach and to not advise clients to do anything we ourselves wouldn't do, but I have to wonder...would our clients really know the difference?
2. "The truth is that being a therapist changes all your relationships, and many friends and family will get left behind" (p. 77). I have to be honest here and say that this idea terrifies me. I don't think that it should be one or the other, a satisfying career life OR a healthy home life. I don't want my friends and family to bear the burden of my career choice. I know that balance will come with time and experience, but I don't want to wreck havok on my personal relationships in the mean time.
In response to Sarah's 1st question: Great question, Sarah! I think that one of the hardest things that I've experienced is also one of the things that will best prepare me to work with clients, and that is my parents' divorce. I know what it feels like to go through that pain as a young child, and with divorce rates the way that they are, many clients will be facing the same thing. I can more easily identify with their hurt, but I do realize that I will need to watch out for counter-transference.
1) Kottler makes the point that a therapist, -even the most client-centered- cannot extract their own needs from therapy. "The marriage between the personal and the professional in the life of the therapist is never clearer than in the benefits the career provides for its practitioners". (pp. 48) Quoting Kopp, Kottler illustrates, "I practice psychotherapy not to rescue others from their craziness, but to preserve what is left of my own sanity: not to cure others, but to heal myself." Even while therapist may characterize their motivation to do therapy (as Kottler does himself later in the chapter) as a personality trait, or natural interest in helping and understanding the human condition. The question of altruism comes into play in asking whether a desire to truly understand humanity, is really just a self-serving attempt to understand oneself. Kottler is able to be very honest about this discussion which is not only essential in order to be a helpful therapist, but can be a broader discussion in questioning if the absence of altruism undermines the validity of helping professions to begin with.
2)Kottler further describes narcissism as it relates to the therapist in Chapter 4, making the point that the need to be right and maintain control of one's environment as a way of feeling safety is at the root of many therapists desire to do therapy. He admits the pleasure he gets in knowing that small pieces of him are being "immortalized" through his clients. (pp. 91). While it may be true that many therapists have some degree of a "God complex", Kottler points out that, clients and society frequently expect therapists to have "Godlike" healing powers (pp. 94), which reinforce the therapists own delusions of grandeur; and furthermore, therapists have not been shown to be more narcissistic than the rest of the population. The conclusion that I draw from this discussion is that although the role of a therapist holds many opportunities for enlightenment and healing, we are not immune to dis-function and self-indulgence. And regarding narcissism, I agree that if we're really honest, there is some narcissistic element of our motivation to be a therapist, but more than likely, it is only a factor, and potentially outweighed by our training to be aware of our own needs, to maintain focus on the client's benefit, and to admit vulnerability to the reciprocal effect of the therapeutic relationship.
In response to the discussion started by Rachel regarding being "paid for empathy and warmth":
While therapists get paid to do what ideally ones parents, friends or (ahem) the church should do well, Kottler points out that this incentive to "be the ideal" is emotionally costly for the restraint involved (pp. 85) "our clients' friends and spouses pale in comparison to our unconditional acceptance and professional relationship building skills." It's true that we are providing a service that, ideally, should be as free as water....but even that's not free.
As one clergyman put it to my husband and I during pre-marital counseling, "it's much better to come to the church for counseling than an employed therapist, because we do not get paid based on your failure to improve, whereas a therapist wants your problems to pay their bills". I think a question to ask to continue this discussion, is what can be done to address society's mistrust of paying for something they need that is perhaps, less tangible than, say, a pill? Or for something that could be obtained naturally, but is scarce? How is buying a bottle of purified water any different than buying "purified" empathy and warmth?
1) Many therapists have “ambivalence about charging money for a helping relationship” (Kottler, p. 111). I anticipate having trouble in this area, because while our work is specialized and requires much training (that is expensive), we do charge a fee to listen and talk with a client for 50 minutes. Many clients will have problems that I can help with but will have monetary problems, and I expect to struggle with feelings of guilt. I need to work out a way to look at biblical principles for money and the practical matters of psychotherapy.
2) Kottler says that we need to take our own advice, the messages we repeat to many clients, or else we are hypocrites (p. 52). It is easy to see what is wrong in someone else and tell them what to do to fix it. It is harder to see it in ourselves and actually do something about it. It is like in Luke 6:42 where Jesus says, “how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite.”
Response to JB’s response #2: I agree that it is strange to think of a potential downfall for therapists as loneliness because of the intimacy that they have with clients. It is a good warning to have, so that we can intentionally involve ourselves in relationships and community outside of clients and balance that intimacy.
1.Kottler mentions that many therapist develop a “unidimensional attitude” toward all their relationships in which the “clinician detaches himself not only from the therapeutic encounter but also from the activities of professional societies and home life” (pg. 44). As someone who has noticed this phenomena in my own life since making the commitment to Psychology as a career (even a life style) I wonder if there is a sort of inevitable loneliness or isolation that we must fight against in our own lives in order to be fully healthy in our personal lives and congruent with our clients in our professional lives. 2.On page 53, Kottler asks the question; what if “doing therapy helps the therapist become more sane”? I couldn't help but think about conditions of worth during this section of the book. Kottler discusses the importance for therapist to be able to help people, and I wonder if this desire to be helpful is often times conditions of worth for the therapist. How do we as future clinicians fight against this kind of condition of worth that often masks itself as empathy for our clients? Response to Sara #1: At the risk of being way too general, I think the greatest personal thing that I can bring from my own history is simply the experience of living. I know what it is like to experience pain, to be joyful, and to yearn for something more. I wonder if the more specifics of those experience even matters-- I feel that what matters is that my client and I have both experienced life and that I am able to listen to his/her specific situation and take it on, in a sense, try on their eyes that they see the world from and more deeply understand her/his experience in a way that is both meaningful and healing to the client.
1. In his section about beginning therapist, Kottler named a lot of frustrations that have already been racing in my mind. This reality has hit me:"You will also see people when they are at their worst and you will be expected to present yourself at your best. Every time" (p 78). When we have been talking about CCT I have been feeling this overwhelming pressure and expectation about how perfect I need to be. I have to be empathetic, unconditional, yah dee dah dee dah. I understand why those are important, but it is a really hard pressure to deal with. 2.And along the lines with my first comment because we feel the need to be our best, to control our thoughts, and be really intentional with our words, we have a tendency to let out uncontrolled on the ones we love (pg 70). Friends and family expect us to be even handed all the time because we are a therapist, we should be sensitive to them. I have placed that same expectation on therapists i have run into outside of the therapy room. It kind of explains why in some movies therapists are displayed with all these disfunctions with their own children but counseling others about how to care for their clients adolescent.
Response to Bobby #1: I think Kottler's observation that who we are greatly impacts what our therapy session is REGARDLESS if we are doing CCT. Because we are the therapist DOING the CCT, who we are influences what we say and how are congruent, how we discern and how we choose to reflect. It is kind of like Dr. Dueck has been saying, we can't get away from biases anywhere, not even, i should say, especially not in therapy.
1. Kottler’s ideas on the ongoing development of the therapist really struck me, especially since we have been emphasizing the value in completely client-focused therapy. I guess I lost sight of the fact that we are reciprocal beings no matter how hard we try to give our clients a blank canvas on which to project. Even if we succeed in mainly doing so, we are still inwardly shaped by our experience with them, and all of our other experience with life. In one sense, this is encouraging because acknowledged “failures” can be “critical” in our development as therapists. However, I feel so young and naïve to so much, that I almost wish I could speed up the life experience part in order to be better there for my clients. (Kottler pg. 71, 113) 2. I am glad that Kottler highlighted the struggle with avoidance of intimacy that therapists experience! On one hand, we have been learning so much about caring deeply, being congruent, extending true empathy. On the other hand, we are urged to not even acknowledge our clients in public and have virtually zero contact with them outside of the therapy room. I understand why these boundaries are put into place and I agree that they seem in the best interest of both client and therapist. However, it just seems so counterintuitive. This person might tell you things they’ve never told a soul on the planet, share struggles not many other people know about, but you cannot call them up when you know they’re feeling down and go on a walk or bring them ice cream. Maybe that sounds silly, but if I truly cared for another human, I would try to be caring in actions. Yet therapy is a particular type of care. Powerful, but seemingly restrictive. (Kottler pg. 83)
In response to Ashley’s question about burnout. I am concerned about the emotional drain I might feel. When you are exercising empathy, the weight of others’ worries will probably feel pretty heavy at times. I guess, for me, since that is such a huge concern, I need to remind myself of who God is and who I am not. ☺ He loves these people more fully and perfectly and powerfully than I could ever dream of doing it. So, if I’m obedient in my little portion, I just have to trust him for the rest.
1. Kottler discusses isolation as one of the difficulties of being a therapist. I would imagine that having to keep so much information secretive to protect confidentiality can begin to take its toll on the therapist. Kottler mentions that in every context therapists find themselves in, whether it is socially or in their own home, they are constantly changing information disguising emotions to protect privacy (Kottler, 106). I understand the importance of this completely, but wonder if such isolating feelings get in the way of relating with ones spouse. To feel isolated at work is one thing, but to feel that way in relationship to a spouse is another.
2. It is mentioned that therapy is a profession that requires the professional to be a healthy, balanced individual who is constantly dealing with and resolving personal issues. This is very true because it is necessary for the benefit of the client. This leads me to believe that all therapists should have their own therapists. That is a helpful way to resolve issues and also to prevent isolation because confidentiality is protected. I wonder if this is a common practice for therapists because I have a feeling it is not.
In response to Stephens first comment...
I agree that failures are necessary for growth, both in and outside of therapy. It is so important for the therapist to demonstrate grace unconditionally to their client when they make mistakes. But it is just as important for the therapist to have grace within themselves as well. Embracing limits is important for healthy therapists and effective therapy. I can imagine that therapists are hard on themselves when they make mistakes, because the ramifications can be severe, but it is important to practice grace and learn from the mistake.
First, and foremost, I would like to say that this is one of the best books I have read this quarter! I was seriously laughing while reading, not myself but aloud, haha I love this guy! Back to the assignment...
1)On the opening page of Chapter 3, Kottler states, "All powers of observation, perception, sensitivity, and diagnosis are equally useful with clients, family, or friends (p. 39)." This statement particulary resonated with me, because I tend to diagnose my family and my friends, and I only have an undergraduate degree! I can only imagine the extent to which this will occur as I continue through this graduate program. I know this probably is not healthy, but at the same time it is amusing. Should we do this, as long as we keep it to ourselves?
2)On page 71, Kottler uses an anectdote to describe that psychologists don't always have all of the answers. I found this particularly comforting. I feel that society looks up to psychologists for all the answers to their mental, social, spiritual, and sometimes physical problems. At times I feel pressured to know the answer to everything, but the reality is that we are just humans, who have acquired a certain amount of knowledge that is to help us with our careers. I feel this is the same to all professions. A cashier at McDonald's has to learn about the enterprise and how the register functions, just as a police officer must learn the laws, and how to use a weapon. However, none of these profession are expected to have all of the answers. So, I think its good to remember this, and remember just like McDonald's workers and police officers were do no have to have all the answers.
In Response to Jenn's statement 1:
1) I think you raise a good point. I think look at the Bible would be a great way to figure out money matters when it comes to psychology!
I was struck by the account of the woman who was both a therapist and a volunteer working with people or families affected by AIDS (p. 46). I couldn't help but think of possible parallels that may arise within a Church setting, such as even a Bible study, in which members of a group you are a part of, identify you as a psychologist and then appeal to you for advice. It is seems like such a conflict, because once one is a therapist, they are that both inside and outside of the therapy setting, however outside of the therapy setting roles can become very confusing. It seems like a difficult dilemma to discern when to share your insights as a psychologist, but at the same time, avoiding these types of complicated, even dual relationships. How does one do this?
Kottler discusses the joys of being a therapist and working with people and even says that we learn about the client, but as we do this, we learn even more about ourselves (p. 60). It seems to be clear that being a therapist is a rewarding career, however I wonder where the line is as far as knowing when the rewarding nature of being a therapist in a helping relationship with others can begin to fill needs of the therapist and when this can be dangers. To what extent is that a good or even great thing, and to what extent can it be a bad thing?
In response to Rebecca Kulzer: I definitely think that you have raised some valid questions and I do think that therapy should change with each client, however I think that it is still fundamental that as the therapist, one is familiar with the emotion and issues present in one's own life as they will affect the therapeutic relationship regardless. I think that the therapist must be able to adapt to each client, but still have a constant sense of self and be familiar with what is going on for them.
I'm the author of Assaulted by Joy: The Redemption of a Cynic, What Women Wish You Knew about Dating, and co-author of What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Sex.
33 comments:
1. Acknowledging the emotion and issues present in one’s life will help to provide more objective and consistent therapy (p. 45). But the idea of providing more consistent therapy raises a question for me. If client centered therapy is centered on the client, then shouldn’t the therapy reflect the client’s need? And if each client (being unique) has different needs, shouldn’t the therapy change with each client?
2. “Those who become too involved in their work pay a dear price in giving up leisure time and a private life; those who too assertively distance themselves from therapeutic sessions risk emotional sterility in other relationships.” (p. 75). Compartmentalization is lauded as the therapists protection against becoming over-involved in the client or “taking the work home,” but it is imperative to point out the consequences of over-compartmentalization. I had never considered that distancing oneself from clients could lead to distancing in other relationships. When creating a personal technique for dealing with the pressures of clinical work, it is important to keep in mind all the consequences.
1. I appreciate Kottler’s (2003) honesty and candor in the “Taking Our Own Advice section” in which he writes, “It is the ultimate hypocrisy of our profession that we do not or cannot do the same things we ask of our students and clients” (p. 57). It is convicting and embarrassing to sit with a client and discuss sleep hygiene when I am sleep deprived. It is hypocritical to work with a client struggling to figure out how to knock down the emotional wall they’ve constructed when I have a flag waving proudly atop my own emotional wall.
2. I appreciate Kottler’s (2003) recognition of the fears of inadequacy and avoidance of failure that therapists in training face. His discussion of politics, power struggles and the “dysfunctional family” (p. 86) dynamic reminded me of the working environment at a previous internship site. Some professionals were engaged in ongoing relationship conflicts with each other. While this clearly affected the relationship dynamics and morale of all the staff, I wondered if this also decreased the therapists’ effectiveness with their clients. How does a therapist see six clients a day while simultaneously engaging in the emotional strain of colleague office drama? My best defense in navigating the situation as an intern was to keep my head down, avoid the line of fire, and stay neutral until personal squabbles were eventually resolved. Just like clients, colleagues have different personalities and quirks. Focusing on colleague strengths and presuming the best (as opposed to the worst) helped me stay sane, maintain professional working relationships over the long term and focus the majority of my energy where it belonged - on the clients.
Response to Rebecca’s 1st question:
You’ve raised great questions. I think client centered therapy is a reflection of what Carl Rogers thinks all clients need. While many have adopted his strategies, therapists may or may not strictly adhere to this approach as evidenced by the variety of approaches to therapy and combinations that exist. In my view, it is helpful for a therapist to view their clients as unique and to be flexible in selecting interventions (when possible and appropriate) that they think best meet client need. Having said this, some approaches to therapy can accommodate a variety of client needs. Therapists can also conduct therapy through one theoretical approach while utilizing interventions from other approaches so the therapy will look somewhat “different” for different clients. This calls for a balance of knowledge, training and expertise. For example, a therapist working from a cognitive-behavioral or Adlerian perspective may also utilize interventions from Gestalt therapy and post-modern therapies (granted they have proper training) if they think it would be helpful for a client. There are many views on this topic, as therapists can select one therapeutic approach, a combination of approaches or choose to be eclectic which grants even more freedom in selecting interventions. Whatever therapists decide, discussing approaches and possible interventions with clients beforehand empowers them to make their own decisions about what may best meet their needs. As we are learning in client centered therapy, it is the therapist’s attitudes that are the intervention or instrument of change - not knowledge or techniques.
References
Kottler, J. (2003). On being a therapist. San Francisco: Jossey Bass
Melissa Gardner Curri, November 7, 2009.
1. "My work in any given moment is the product of who I have become up to that very instant" (Kottler, 71). Kottler talks about how our own experiences, our own stories, our own victories and failures will affect what kind of therapists we become. What is one thing you have experienced in your life, up to this very moment, that you think is valuable to you as a future psychologist?
2. Kottler states that it is difficult and exhausting for a therapist to love their client "nonsexually" (Kottler, 90). I had to take some time to process this section of the chapter because I assumed that I would be immune from this struggle. For some reason I did not think that it was something that I would have a difficult time with. I had to remind myself that I am a fallen being, who is capable of falling into sin if I don't protect myself. It compelled me to remember how important it is to ask for the Lord's strength and how much I need to rely on Him.
Sarah Moon, November 7, 2009
In Response to Melissa Curri's 1st comment:
I asked myself the same question about "taking our own advice" (Kottler, 56) . For example, I know that I shy away from confrontation within my family even when I know it'd be best to bring things to the surface. However, I would probably advise people that it is healthy to have open and honest conversations with family members. I have always been great at giving my friends advice about conflict resolution and the importance of communication within the family, but when it comes to my own life I still have a lot to work on.
1) Kottler mentions that beginning therapists are often nervous, and are made more nervous because of the variety of conflicting comments they receive from supervisors. One student was given a range of responses on her intervention from “This statement appears unwarranted” to “Excellent response!” (Kottler, p. 74). How, as beginning therapists, are we supposed to wade through the variety of opinions of our superiors and find what actually works?
2) According to Herron and Welt, “Therapists have a tangled relationship with money, creating guilt and conflict in our lives” (Kottler, p. 111). I’m not in this program for the money, and yet because of this program I have major loans that will require me to make money to pay off. I am trying to figure out if it is possible to justify charging people for empathy and warmth. Does this not make me any different than a salesperson? Can people really feel unconditional positive regard when it is dependent on a fee?
In response to Sarah's 2nd comment:
I, too, have felt that all the warnings about sexual intimacies with clients is overkill, especially to a group that mainly consists of Christian women. Yet according to Kottler, 87% of therapists admit to being sexually attracted to their clients at some point (p. 84-85). This makes me wonder if many of these therapists initially felt the same way, thinking that there was no way that they would ever be sexually tempted by a client. Perhaps the reason so many therapists fall into this temptation is because it seems like such a ridiculous concept that they ignore the need to prepare for it.
Rachael Wittern
1) “Failures are absolutely critical to a therapists continued development, that is, if we are willing to acknowledge them” (Kottler, 113). It’s interesting that we as therapists are trying to help people deal with the places of failure in their lives but at the same time in order for us to grow and become better at what we do, we have to be comfortable in recognizing our own failures. You know, now that I think about it, embracing short comings is part of being congruent. We need to know our limitations and our failures can serve as signs to let us know where we come up short. We are contradicting ourselves as therapists, when we are trying to help someone else do the very thing we refuse to do ourselves.
2) While reading this book, I have been working on deconstructing all of the stereotypes I have had or heard about therapists. One that I’ve heard more than once, is how great and infallible therapists are supposed to be. Of course I know this is absolutely not true, most of us know that is not true, but I’m glad Kottler addresses it anyway. “…a therapist is a fallible human being subject to quirks, biases, errors, misjudgments and distortions of reality” (Kottler,45). Even though we know that we as individuals are not perfect we still tend to think that we should be because we have the role of a therapist. Somehow, we figure our lives should be perfect. But why, we are human, just like our clients. We are people who have lives that consist of ups and downs. That is something we should not forget.
In response to Rachel’s 2nd comment,
3) Rachel, I have the same question. How genuine am I really being if I’m getting paid to be attentive, warm and empathic? But because we live in a capitalist society, in a way we are selling empathy, warmth and attentiveness to people who need it. They are aware of the fact that they are being offered a service and services require monetary compensation. I think it is just a fact of life that we have to deal with.
1. Kottler discusses the benefits and the downfalls of a therapist self-disclosing to a client (p 66-67). He mentions the therapist may be seen by the client as a “real” person when they self disclose. However, self-disclosure with a client may also provide an unmet need of a reciprocating relationship for the therapist, which obviously is not appropriate when they are providing therapy. Fortunately in the Client Centered approach, the therapy is non-directed and focused on reframing and mirroring the client which should minimize self-disclosure becoming an issue.
2. What does it really mean? Kottler described a time when a client shared a dream with him and then asked him what he thought her dream meant (p79). After the session, he sought consultation from his peers and he received discrepant feedback. His peers gave him five different suggestions for the same case. Which one was correct? What did the dream mean? Who really knows?
Response to Rachel’s 2nd question
That is a great question. People seek professional help with serious problems that affect their daily functioning. If the problem is medical, they can go to an MD; if the problem is legal, they can go to a JD; if the problem is emotional/psychological, they can go to a Phd/PsyD. Regardless of the problems origin, there is an appropriate fee associated with professional help.
1. I really appreciated both of these chapters in the reading as I felt like they dig down to the personal issues we will face as therapists. I found myself relating a great deal with Kottler's comment that "The decision to work to improve the mental health of others is a choice to improve ourselves in the process" (2003, p.46). I've experienced this in a church counseling ministry that I was involved with and we cannot deny the truth of this statement. Although we may enter the field to help others, there also is the great possibility for us to be transformed as well.
2.In chapter four, I found Kottler's point about the array of various feedback we will get to ring true even now as we are just beginning. Kottler states "Perhaps most stressful of all for neophytes is reconciling the discrepant feedback they receive" (2003, p. 71). Personally, I've felt this already and you may have too. Some reflective questions we probably need to ask ourselves now include those about who we're doing this for, who we want to be and how we can discern the correct path to take in various circumstances.
Nikki Frederick 11/9/09
In response to Sarah's second comment: I believe it may look a little different for some women, but still something we need to be prepared for. We may have more of an emotional "lust" for some clients because we will know them so well. If anything in our own hearts is yearning for validation, support, the need to be cherished, etc., we may find ourselves very vulnerable to the person sitting across from us, even if we aren't at first sexually attracted to him.
1. I appreciate how Kottler mentions the struggle of using self disclosure in therapy, and what it means to use self disclosure both for the good of the client and conversely for one's own good. Thankfully, in client-centered therapy it is not as much of an issue as in other models, but I still find that it is important to think about. Kottler brings up a good point that it can be used for the emotional benefit of the therapist more than it can to further therapy. To me, this is where the major line is drawn between friendship and therapy; in therapy the self-disclosure is strategic and for no personal gain, but in friendship there is good and take.
(Kottler, pp. 66-67)
2. The way Kottler mentions burnout is frankly a little intimidating. He makes it sound almost insurmountable to me, and while I know that it is certainly something to try and prevent through self care and knowledge of what could cause burnout, i almost feel like he is trying to scare us into not burning out, or maybe into rethinking our options. What are your opinions on burnout?
(Kottler pp. 75)
Response to Melissa's second comment:
That sounds like an amazing strategy for not being overwhelmed by it all! I have had several people in high-burnout occupations tell me that they operate under a similar strategy, and I have found that conflict around them is lower when they do focus on the positives. That is certainly something to keep in mind.
1. Kottler ends the chapter about the personal and professional lives of therapists by stating that therapists are “complex” beings (73). Earlier in the chapter, he states that therapists are constantly working and “using what we know and can do” (46). It seems unavoidable that the more a therapists stays in the therapist mode, the more they see their complexities. This almost seems like Kottler is suggesting that the therapist role is fused to a person’s identity. Is this what he is actually saying, or is he talking about the natural skills and abilities of a therapist?
2. I like what Kottler says about therapists having “the privilege of knowing what people really think” (60). Therapists can create an environment for client to express themselves authentically without the fear of harm or rejection. It is as if therapists NEED clients to be honest with them. Or this at least needs to be one of their goals in the therapist-client relationship.
3. In response to Takisha’s second comment:
I completely agree with your questions. Even though dreams are significant, who really knows what they mean? I think the role of therapists is to simply sit and be present with their client as the client wrestles with the dreams. I personally do not think the therapist will know the exact interpretations of dreams, but it may help for the therapist to pull things out of the client by digging deeper into that dream and helping the client become aware of things he or she was not.
1) I really appreciated Kottler's honesty in this book. It was refreshing to see him admit to humanness and at the same time look for healthy ways to cope. I feel like I could extract quotes from these chapters and turn it into an inspirational/self-help calendar for therapists :).Kottler gave an example of a time when he could not answer a client's question and he said, "I did what any self-respecting therapist in my position would do--I stalled and put the focus on her until I could get some help:'That is a good question. What do YOU think it means?'" (p. 71). This made me laugh. I think this will be a great tool for us as we are beginning.
2) Kottler pointed out that most therapists struggle with "not the need for intimacy but its avoidance" (p.83). This really struck me because therapists spend all day developing what Kottler calls "one-way intimacy" and then are not experiencing intimacy themselves. We can only imagine how difficult this would be for the therapist's spouse, children, friends, and so forth. I think this can be a temptation for us as therapists-in-training as well. Kottler drew my attention to the need to be intentional about fostering intimacy in my relationships.
In response to Melissa's 2nd comment...I had not thought of the potential for office drama in a clinical environment! That is definitely something to prepare for as it is likely to happen and could really affect our work as beginning therapists. I agree that it probablt affected their work as well--like whether they were able to consult when they needed too?
1. One thing that Kottler discusses in learning from our clients. He says that it is a great benefit to be able to learn from our clients on a daily basis (p. 59). I think this is a great aspect of being in a relationship. We can learn from each other. And what we learn about our clients can be used to benefit and help others heal. The question I have concerns letting clients this. Is there an appropriate time and place to disclose to our clients that we have learned from them? Can telling our clients this be beneficial?
2. I think it is really interesting that Kottler discusses the speed of sessions and the speed of the healing process (p. 71). I mostly think that the client is the one guiding the session and how fast they want to move is the speed of the session and healing process. I did not realize that if the therapist is not willing to move there with them, this can greatly affect the therapy process. It can be detrimental. I think this is really great insight and something we should all be aware of. Are we able to move at the client’s speed rather than our own whether it is faster or slower?
Response to Takisha’s second comment:
I think that we can approach the whole dream interpretation issue in a Rogerian way. What did the dream mean for the client? I personally don’t think that there is one specific interpretation of a dream. I think that it is up to the person to decide what it really means to them. Yes, this can be frustrating, but I also think it is powerful for the client to figure out it out for themselves. It is a step to self-actualizing.
Lauren Brighton
1.) Kottler refers to Basescu’s reasons for self-disclosure. They are numerous but close with, “it is never, never to be used to meet one’s personal needs” (p. 66). This has been echoed in class as well. However, the author’s whole point in this chapter is about the unavoidable tangling of a therapist’s personal and professional lives, and both the benefits and pitfalls of this. Considering that, do you think it is possible for self-disclosure to not meet your own needs in some sense? Self-disclosure often feels good and when it does not, you still may feel better that it is off your chest. So I would say that a better quote would be “never, never to be used only to meet one’s personal needs.” It is obviously useful at times and will often, if not always, benefit you as well. The only question then should be, “is this the best method I can use to help this client at this specific moment?”
2.) I found Kottler’s comment that “to love someone unconditionally, nonpossessively, nonsexually, with warmth, empathy and genuineness is exhausting,” (p. 90) to be amazingly enlightening. Though we have been discussing the therapeutic triad, and last week with the Roberts article discussed Christian critique of Rogers, this has been the biggest “Aha” moment for me. This sentence is exactly what is expected of us and I know I have no hope of doing it perfectly. My only hope is that I am a Christian and strive to be like my Lord and this is what He does for 7 billion people every day. So regardless of my client’s faith tradition, I can walk into each session with the thought that is an opportunity to love them and help in exactly the way Jesus himself would.
Jonathan Wellman November 9, 2009
Response to Rebecca Kulzer’s second comment:
I think compartmentalization is sometimes completely necessary and often completely unhealthy. The former Navy psychologist who was at Fuller today mentioned that soldiers in war are forced to compartmentalize but pay a heavy price for it later with at least combat stress if not fully diagnosable PTSD. She also mentioned that she had developed PTSD, presumably in part from hearing these type of stories over and over again. In a similar way I think therapists do have to compartmentalize, but they must be on guard against compartmentalizing their personal relationships as well as their therapeutic ones. We also have to deal with all the disturbing events we hear get to hear about and vicariously experience. But that raises another question – what do we do when, as Kottler described on pages 84-85, a client’s story so deeply disturbs us that we start reliving it? Do we get our own therapy? And what crosses the bounds of confidentiality if we do engage in our own therapy?
1) I, like so many of my classmates was struck by the honesty and transparency that Kottler shows in this book. Some aspects are refreshing and some are concerning. When he mentions, "If we analyze the content of our sessions, regardless of clients' presenting symptoms, we will find our most disturbing themes and things we best understand" (p. 49). This seems like quite a shift of gears after immersing myself in Rogers' book. At first I thought that Kottler's comment was off the mark and could not possibly be reconciled with CCT. But after thinking about it, I realized that he may be referring to the knowledge set that the therapist is bringing in-not necessarily their personal bias. In other words, even in non-directive CCT, the therapist must have a set of knowledge and an awareness of when to interject with reflection, warm comments, and unconditional positive regard. The therapist determines when these tools are used, and I think Kottler is recognizing this. The therapist is never without bias...even when they are attempting to be non-directive.
2) Kottler's stories and references seem to drive home even further the importance of personal development and psychotherapy on the part of the therapist. The story about a client who was attacked at the front door by a friend she ran into was horrific, and Kottler developed a fear just by hearing her account as though he vicariously experienced it (p. 80). It seems hard enough to deal with the ups and downs of life and to contend with forces of injustice that exist around us, but then to take on the emotional baggage of certain clients seems very heavy. If you are truly practicing empathy and genuineness, it seems that you would feel like you have almost been through the emotions with your client. This raises the question: if you do not engage in your own psychotherapy as a therapist, are you giving your clients the best version of you possible? For me, at least, I can say my answer is no. Thus I intend to have my own therapist for as long as I am in practice.
Response to Takisha's #2...
Takisha, this is something I have always wondered about even before I began studying psychology. I find it interesting that if a client asked about an experience that they consciously had in their non-dream life, the therapist would likely engage in collaborative interpretation or ask, "what do you think it meant?" But when it comes to dreams, somehow there is an actual meaning that only a third party can provide? I think that dreams can have meaning, and they can also be completely arbitrary and random. Nobody knows for sure what whether the former or the latter applies when hearing about someone else's dreams. I am glad you brought this up...and as you say, "who really knows?"
1. The author talks about how nice it would be if the therapist lives out his/her life as he/she advices the client (Kottler, p. 57). This portion reminded me of the song "Where's the Love?" by Black Eyed Peas. Part of the lyrics goes like this: "Can you practice what you preach. And would you turn the other cheek" I'm not sure if the group is Christian, but as a Christian it made me think a lot about what it means to be congruent in my speech and actions.
2. Here and there I heard people say that psychotherapist can be an extremely stressful job. I kind of had it noted some where in my head, without giving much thought to it. But the author's personal story from client being assaulted by a fellow high school almumi and the incompetence that a therapist may experience helped me grasp a better sense of what some of those stress may be like.
Response to Sarah Moon:
For me, having experienced different cultures during my youth, help me to appreciate and value differences. Many adults that I are close with have strong stereotypes attached with ethnic groups other than their own. But my past experiences allow me to more objectively perceive different cultures.
I found Kottler's section on therapists taking their own advice poignant(56-58). I find, as I'm sure a lot of people do, that it's easier to talk about what we need to do than it is to actually do them. For example, it was terribly ironic that a couple years ago I was talking to a high school girl about the necessity of getting a good night's sleep. I have never been good about getting enough sleep, particularly not when I was in high school. I feel kind of phony in moments like that. I wonder if client's can pick up on that at all?
I got a kick out of the story Kottler tells about giving the student directions to the classroom (starting on 51), making the point that therapists like to feel helpful. I, no doubt, love to feel like I am helping someone. Unfortunately, that is something that can be ambiguous. Help tends to look different from one person to the next. Furthermore, finding the person with the right combination of wanting help and wanting to put forth some effort can be hit and miss. Maybe that is what's so appealing about straight forward tasks such as giving someone directions to a specific location...
Response to Sarah:
One thing that I've experienced that I think will be helpful to me as a psychologist is...well...I want to be a neuropsychologist. I've had a traumatic brain injury. I guess that gives me a little credibility when I try to relate to a patient who has experienced something similar and say...has to dedicate an entire day toward neuropsychological assessment.
1. 1. According to Kottler, “there is a ‘distancing aura’ in which the clinician detaches himself not only from the therapeutic encounter but also from the activities of professional societies and home life” (Kottler, 40). This is one of my greatest fears, that I will be detached from my family and friends because I will be stuck in my therapist role in all facets of my life. How does one balance their role as therapist and the other roles in their life? How does one avoid having emotional intimacy with a client and not engaging one’s significant other in emotionally intimate discussions? I am fearful that my career choice will result in my not being fully present in my other relationships because of the demands that are placed on a therapist, consequently, how can one avoid adopting this “distancing aura”?
2. 2. I could particularly related to the section on “Special problems of beginners” in which Kottler states, “Perhaps the most stressful of all for neophytes is reconciling the discrepant feedback they receive” (Kottler, 71). Although I am not seeing clients yet, I have already found this to be very true. I find myself sitting in classes thinking “Wait, that’s not what Dr. So-and-so said in his class…” and trying to reconcile the conflicting messages I am being presented with, particularly in Integration and Clinical Foundations. I am coming to realize that one of the most difficult things about being a therapist is that there are not a lot of absolutes and a great deal of being a therapist, particularly a congruent therapist, is finding out what works for you. All one can do is take advice, try things out, and be willing to adjust if it does not work or feel congruent. Consequently, I am coming to realize that therapy is largely about who the therapist is and what they bring to their clients (e.g. worldview, personality, experiences…) and how to use one’s own attributes to best meet the needs of the client.
3. Response to Sarah Moon's 2nd comment:
I agree. This concept of being sexually attracted to a client is something I have been thinking a lot about as well. Previously, I never would have thought of this as being a potential issue for me, however, because of the emotional intimacy inherent within the therapeutic relationship, I think this is a greater threat than I had previously acknowledged and yet another reason to be engaging in self-care and one’s own relationships outside of one’s profession. I have also been thinking about this component of the therapeutic relationship in relation to one’s own romantic relationships. As someone who is in a serious romantic relationship with a marriage and family therapist, I am beginning to understand how much trust is required as the significant other of a therapeutic professional because of the confidentiality of such work and the high amount of intimacy inherent within the client-therapist relationship. However, I would contend that engaging in self-care and investing in one’s own relationships is one’s best defense in this scenario.
Jessica Nunnally November 10, 2009
3. In response to Ashley Wilkens’ second comment:
I believe it is important to maintain self-care throughout the entirety of ones career as a preventative measure. Kottler emphasizes the importance of self-care and taking time now as an investment in your well-being later. I agree that burn out happens as a result of one not taking care of oneself. We are not superheroes (even if we would like to be) and we cannot save the whole world. It is important to remember to take time out for yourself-especially for your family. Otherwise your kid will be in therapy complaining how they never saw you growing up They teach you in first aid that you must ensure your survival first because if you are trying to save multiple victims who don’t know how to save themselves, you are their only chance of survival therefore your survival is the most important.
Rebecca Kulzer 11/10/09
1) I absolutely loved diving into this book and I feel like it was full of great tidbits of wisdom. It also renewed my excitement for becoming a therapist - and made me laugh! However, there were things in these chapters that were very sobering and thought-provoking. One passage that particularly struck me was Kottler's description of his client "Elena" (pp. 55-56). He talks about the impossibility of truly understanding her world and her perspective because they come from such different backgrounds. As Elena seems set on a course of action that seems unhealthy, Kottler ponders what, exactly, he will be able to do for her in therapy without giving her false hope or expecting her to choose a path that is beyond her ability. "I realize that she is resigned to what she must do; I am the one who is not willing to accept her choices. Whose problem is this? I wonder." (p. 56) How many times will we see this happen with our own clients? Feel this sense of disconnection, almost hopelessness? How do we deal with that and still move forward in therapy?
2) I was also convicted by Kottler's thoughts on therapists' hypocrisy - we don't take our own advice (p. 57)! I can see how true this is for me personally; I sometimes see myself and berate myself in a way that I would never feel is healthy for one of my clients. Day after day we may realize that the things we tell our clients, things of utmost importance, take a back seat in our own lives. This is why I think it's so essential that we seek our own therapy, so we can continually work on taking our own advice.
Response to Jamie's second comment:
I absolutely loved this story too! It got me in touch with the simple but powerful sense of joy that comes from helping someone. It's a great reminder of one of the major reasons I was interested in this profession in the first place. I also considered, however, the truth that we do need to be sensitive to whether we are really being helpful when we offer our help to others. How will they receive what we are trying to give? How can we offer it in a way that might be powerful and truly heard?
1) In chapter 3 Kottler talks about inability of a therapist to turn it off, "that we are really never off duty" (p.43) I find this true in my life, even before I was had my masters in social work. I find it really difficult to have any relationships with people when they know what I am doing. They come to me for advice, and want to know what I think. None of that is bad, but what I find happens is that in my mutual relationships (ones where we are supposed to be equals and care mutually about the other) I end up not being cared for. I have had to fight hard to keep certain relationships from becoming this way, and those tend to be the people that I would consider friends who have known me for a while.
2)"Now the challenge is for us to keep away their demons" (p. 78). I find this all too true. The first two weeks of working at a mental health clinic, I had trouble sleeping. The first night after working at a mental hospital I cried myself to sleep because I had a hard time dealing with an paranoid schizophrenic patient who had full blown AIDS who was physically tormented by her voices. They infected me with their personality, all because of the fact that I did what Rogers said we must to be good therapist: I cared.
3) In reponse to Rachael Wittern's #2) One of the things that has been proven to be true is that people value what the pay for. Obviously, we don't want payment to become another treatment issue, but at the same time some financial investment actually helps the client value what is happening in the relationship. Of course, valuing your own time by charging money is an important message to yourself, and will help you from resenting the clients when things like loans and rent come due.
1) Kottler says that “it is naïve to pretend that the client assumes complete responsibility for introducing the content and direction of treatment” (45). I suppose Rogers would say that most of the content should still come from the client. However, in my experience in Live Team, I realized that even in client-centered therapy, the therapist has more power to direct the flow than one would first assume. That's something to be aware of during therapy.
2)One of the occupational hazards that Kottler mentions is the sense of futility that accompanies clients who don't appear to improve or even digress (Kottler, 103). That's something that I know I'll have to be on guard for because like most, I am sensitive to failure and feeling like a waste. Kottler says that futility first attacks innocence, then compassion, and lastly identity. I wonder if there is any way to reverse the process once a therapist can sense that he/she is slipping into this path.
David Choi, November 10, 2009
In response to Sam's 2nd comment:
That story of the assault also stood out to me. It would be very difficult to leave this kind of traumatic experience out of the office. But I think I also appreciate what Kottler mentions about therapists being able to experience many lives. Some for the better, some for the worse.
1) Kottler states that “to facilitate trust, the therapist must feel comfortable facing intimacy without fear” (44), and although I agree that this is the ideal that both the therapist (in personal and professional roles) and the client strive for, do we ever get to the point, as fallen human beings, of being able to face true and deep intimacy without a sense (however small that may be) of fear (manifested in such things as intimidation, anxiety, etc.)? This seems so theoretical but hard to experience practically on the deepest level. Yet, Kottler argues that this is what “teaches [the client] that true intimacy is indeed possible” (44), yet later he admits that “we can flee, but there is nowhere to hide. Every working day holds for us a confrontation with the issues we fear most” (49). Isn't it possible to have true intimacy even with a small sense of fear, working through that fear to share despite that fear? (Kottler, 44-49).
2) The topic of therapist-client boundaries is still a very complex issue for me to understand. What are concrete healthy boundaries for this relationship? (It seems to change based on the theoretical model and on the dynamics between the client and therapist, yet there are overarching universally true boundaries.) The resulting gray areas are of concern. Kottler argues that as therapists we “risk annihilation of our identity in every session with a client. We risk not only the submergence of our self in another but also continual confrontation with our own vulnerabilities” (46). It seems dangerous to say that we risk our identity in session with the client; doesn’t this contradict the idea that the therapist is supposed to be the stable relationship (sounding board) through which the client finds his or her own identity? The therapist needs a certain sense of stability. Perhaps this is very dramatically phrased and simply means that as therapists we need to stay open minded and willing to work from the structure that the client brings into the room (not necessarily “giving up” our own identity even while acknowledging the different identity of the client)? The same danger seems inherent in “submerging ourselves in another” because although we are supposed to take on the client’s perspective as much as we are able to, we are not to lose the boundary between self and other (co-dependent). Regarding the related topic of therapist self-disclosure, Kottler argues, “certainly such life transitions and crises cannot be fully shelved by the person experiencing them” (42). This is a really grace-giving statement since, from my perspective, people are told to compartmentalize their lives into personal and professional roles and many times have guilt placed upon them if these two areas of their lives overlap. Even the admission that certain personal aspects cannot be fully “shelved” is refreshing and encouraging to those who desire to be genuine and yet are afraid to admit short-comings/limitations. I think that acknowledging these things allows for honesty without fear of being shamed. (Kottler, 42-46).
Kim Richardson, November 10, 2009
Response to Sarah Moon’s response to Melissa Curri’s 1st comment:
I think this question is one aspect of what I was trying to verbalize in my two responses. We are to take our own advice (about being genuine and honest) and therefore there should be room for admitting that we are a product of our environment and our experiences and that these things cannot be “shelved” while in the therapy session (Kottler, 42). In some aspects it seems that not admitting this would be a detriment to therapy because it is through the genuine human relationship (including these personal issues) that healing is created. Although it is important for clients to see a healthy example of how to live life, it is also important for them to know that their therapist is not perfect and that everyone struggles with these issues (getting enough sleep, struggling to knock down emotional walls, facing confrontation, etc.). Perhaps, to a certain (even if small) extent, this shows the client an example of having grace with himself or herself.
Kim Richardson, November 10, 2009
1) Kottler addresses the “fusion of roles,” which we have discussed in a number of our classes. Just as Dr. Bjork mentions in Ethics, the author argues that the therapist inadvertently integrates a vast majority of their personal and professional selves into a unified whole. I think that this concept is vital to the survival of a therapist over the long-term of his or her career. We cannot separate ourselves from our “therapist identity” and expect to remain lively and honest in the entirety of our lives. I wouldn’t argue that there should be no boundaries between our work and personal lives (it is important to be able to distance yourself at times), but I think that the very idea of “distance” is problematic. I think I prefer the word accept, meaning that we can accept the good and bad of our profession and remain positive and functional in it.
2) If any reading from this quarter may have deterred us from continuing in our journey towards counseling, then Kottler’s fourth chapter would certainly fit the bill. However scary the words might have been, though, I think that it is vital to warn new mental health professionals about the expected difficulties they may encounter. I found especially revealing the section on isolation. While I have anticipated many of the difficulties mentioned, isolation is not one that had entered my thoughts yet. Being in close proximity to people all day in an intimate relationship with each doesn’t necessarily suggest that one of them should feel alone. The therapists awareness of his or her own limits is essential it seems to balancing the personal and professional realms.
In Response to Takisha’s Response #2:
I found that portion of the reading very interesting as well. “What does this mean?” I think that this example points to one of the strengths of client-centered therapy, though, in that it is the client who ultimately defines their own reality. What it means for the therapist has little to do with how the meaning will affect the client. Often clients want direction in interpreting many things, but if the meaning they ascribe will have any positive influence it must come from within.
1. "It is the ultimate hypocrisy of our profession that we do not or cannot do the same things we ask of our students and clients" (p. 57). It's interesting that Kottler puts so much emphasis on "taking our own advice". I think that it is a good policy to practice what we preach and to not advise clients to do anything we ourselves wouldn't do, but I have to wonder...would our clients really know the difference?
2. "The truth is that being a therapist changes all your relationships, and many friends and family will get left behind" (p. 77). I have to be honest here and say that this idea terrifies me. I don't think that it should be one or the other, a satisfying career life OR a healthy home life. I don't want my friends and family to bear the burden of my career choice. I know that balance will come with time and experience, but I don't want to wreck havok on my personal relationships in the mean time.
In response to Sarah's 1st question: Great question, Sarah! I think that one of the hardest things that I've experienced is also one of the things that will best prepare me to work with clients, and that is my parents' divorce. I know what it feels like to go through that pain as a young child, and with divorce rates the way that they are, many clients will be facing the same thing. I can more easily identify with their hurt, but I do realize that I will need to watch out for counter-transference.
Posted by Heather Patterson Meyer
1) Kottler makes the point that a therapist, -even the most client-centered- cannot extract their own needs from therapy. "The marriage between the personal and the professional in the life of the therapist is never clearer than in the benefits the career provides for its practitioners". (pp. 48) Quoting Kopp, Kottler illustrates, "I practice psychotherapy not to rescue others from their craziness, but to preserve what is left of my own sanity: not to cure others, but to heal myself." Even while therapist may characterize their motivation to do therapy (as Kottler does himself later in the chapter) as a personality trait, or natural interest in helping and understanding the human condition. The question of altruism comes into play in asking whether a desire to truly understand humanity, is really just a self-serving attempt to understand oneself. Kottler is able to be very honest about this discussion which is not only essential in order to be a helpful therapist, but can be a broader discussion in questioning if the absence of altruism undermines the validity of helping professions to begin with.
2)Kottler further describes narcissism as it relates to the therapist in Chapter 4, making the point that the need to be right and maintain control of one's environment as a way of feeling safety is at the root of many therapists desire to do therapy. He admits the pleasure he gets in knowing that small pieces of him are being "immortalized" through his clients. (pp. 91). While it may be true that many therapists have some degree of a "God complex", Kottler points out that, clients and society frequently expect therapists to have "Godlike" healing powers (pp. 94), which reinforce the therapists own delusions of grandeur; and furthermore, therapists have not been shown to be more narcissistic than the rest of the population. The conclusion that I draw from this discussion is that although the role of a therapist holds many opportunities for enlightenment and healing, we are not immune to dis-function and self-indulgence. And regarding narcissism, I agree that if we're really honest, there is some narcissistic element of our motivation to be a therapist, but more than likely, it is only a factor, and potentially outweighed by our training to be aware of our own needs, to maintain focus on the client's benefit, and to admit vulnerability to the reciprocal effect of the therapeutic relationship.
In response to the discussion started by Rachel regarding being "paid for empathy and warmth":
While therapists get paid to do what ideally ones parents, friends or (ahem) the church should do well, Kottler points out that this incentive to "be the ideal" is emotionally costly for the restraint involved (pp. 85) "our clients' friends and spouses pale in comparison to our unconditional acceptance and professional relationship building skills." It's true that we are providing a service that, ideally, should be as free as water....but even that's not free.
As one clergyman put it to my husband and I during pre-marital counseling, "it's much better to come to the church for counseling than an employed therapist, because we do not get paid based on your failure to improve, whereas a therapist wants your problems to pay their bills". I think a question to ask to continue this discussion, is what can be done to address society's mistrust of paying for something they need that is perhaps, less tangible than, say, a pill? Or for something that could be obtained naturally, but is scarce? How is buying a bottle of purified water any different than buying "purified" empathy and warmth?
1) Many therapists have “ambivalence about charging money for a helping relationship” (Kottler, p. 111). I anticipate having trouble in this area, because while our work is specialized and requires much training (that is expensive), we do charge a fee to listen and talk with a client for 50 minutes. Many clients will have problems that I can help with but will have monetary problems, and I expect to struggle with feelings of guilt. I need to work out a way to look at biblical principles for money and the practical matters of psychotherapy.
2) Kottler says that we need to take our own advice, the messages we repeat to many clients, or else we are hypocrites (p. 52). It is easy to see what is wrong in someone else and tell them what to do to fix it. It is harder to see it in ourselves and actually do something about it. It is like in Luke 6:42 where Jesus says, “how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite.”
Response to JB’s response #2: I agree that it is strange to think of a potential downfall for therapists as loneliness because of the intimacy that they have with clients. It is a good warning to have, so that we can intentionally involve ourselves in relationships and community outside of clients and balance that intimacy.
Jenn Greiner 11/11
1.Kottler mentions that many therapist develop a “unidimensional attitude” toward all their relationships in which the “clinician detaches himself not only from the therapeutic encounter but also from the activities of professional societies and home life” (pg. 44). As someone who has noticed this phenomena in my own life since making the commitment to Psychology as a career (even a life style) I wonder if there is a sort of inevitable loneliness or isolation that we must fight against in our own lives in order to be fully healthy in our personal lives and congruent with our clients in our professional lives.
2.On page 53, Kottler asks the question; what if “doing therapy helps the therapist become more sane”? I couldn't help but think about conditions of worth during this section of the book. Kottler discusses the importance for therapist to be able to help people, and I wonder if this desire to be helpful is often times conditions of worth for the therapist. How do we as future clinicians fight against this kind of condition of worth that often masks itself as empathy for our clients?
Response to Sara #1:
At the risk of being way too general, I think the greatest personal thing that I can bring from my own history is simply the experience of living. I know what it is like to experience pain, to be joyful, and to yearn for something more. I wonder if the more specifics of those experience even matters-- I feel that what matters is that my client and I have both experienced life and that I am able to listen to his/her specific situation and take it on, in a sense, try on their eyes that they see the world from and more deeply understand her/his experience in a way that is both meaningful and healing to the client.
1. In his section about beginning therapist, Kottler named a lot of frustrations that have already been racing in my mind. This reality has hit me:"You will also see people when they are at their worst and you will be expected to present yourself at your best. Every time" (p 78). When we have been talking about CCT I have been feeling this overwhelming pressure and expectation about how perfect I need to be. I have to be empathetic, unconditional, yah dee dah dee dah. I understand why those are important, but it is a really hard pressure to deal with.
2.And along the lines with my first comment because we feel the need to be our best, to control our thoughts, and be really intentional with our words, we have a tendency to let out uncontrolled on the ones we love (pg 70). Friends and family expect us to be even handed all the time because we are a therapist, we should be sensitive to them. I have placed that same expectation on therapists i have run into outside of the therapy room. It kind of explains why in some movies therapists are displayed with all these disfunctions with their own children but counseling others about how to care for their clients adolescent.
Response to Bobby #1:
I think Kottler's observation that who we are greatly impacts what our therapy session is REGARDLESS if we are doing CCT. Because we are the therapist DOING the CCT, who we are influences what we say and how are congruent, how we discern and how we choose to reflect. It is kind of like Dr. Dueck has been saying, we can't get away from biases anywhere, not even, i should say, especially not in therapy.
Christie
1. Kottler’s ideas on the ongoing development of the therapist really struck me, especially since we have been emphasizing the value in completely client-focused therapy. I guess I lost sight of the fact that we are reciprocal beings no matter how hard we try to give our clients a blank canvas on which to project. Even if we succeed in mainly doing so, we are still inwardly shaped by our experience with them, and all of our other experience with life. In one sense, this is encouraging because acknowledged “failures” can be “critical” in our development as therapists. However, I feel so young and naïve to so much, that I almost wish I could speed up the life experience part in order to be better there for my clients. (Kottler pg. 71, 113)
2. I am glad that Kottler highlighted the struggle with avoidance of intimacy that therapists experience! On one hand, we have been learning so much about caring deeply, being congruent, extending true empathy. On the other hand, we are urged to not even acknowledge our clients in public and have virtually zero contact with them outside of the therapy room. I understand why these boundaries are put into place and I agree that they seem in the best interest of both client and therapist. However, it just seems so counterintuitive. This person might tell you things they’ve never told a soul on the planet, share struggles not many other people know about, but you cannot call them up when you know they’re feeling down and go on a walk or bring them ice cream. Maybe that sounds silly, but if I truly cared for another human, I would try to be caring in actions. Yet therapy is a particular type of care. Powerful, but seemingly restrictive. (Kottler pg. 83)
In response to Ashley’s question about burnout. I am concerned about the emotional drain I might feel. When you are exercising empathy, the weight of others’ worries will probably feel pretty heavy at times. I guess, for me, since that is such a huge concern, I need to remind myself of who God is and who I am not. ☺ He loves these people more fully and perfectly and powerfully than I could ever dream of doing it. So, if I’m obedient in my little portion, I just have to trust him for the rest.
Mary Jacobs, November 12 2009
1. Kottler discusses isolation as one of the difficulties of being a therapist. I would imagine that having to keep so much information secretive to protect confidentiality can begin to take its toll on the therapist. Kottler mentions that in every context therapists find themselves in, whether it is socially or in their own home, they are constantly changing information disguising emotions to protect privacy (Kottler, 106). I understand the importance of this completely, but wonder if such isolating feelings get in the way of relating with ones spouse. To feel isolated at work is one thing, but to feel that way in relationship to a spouse is another.
2. It is mentioned that therapy is a profession that requires the professional to be a healthy, balanced individual who is constantly dealing with and resolving personal issues. This is very true because it is necessary for the benefit of the client. This leads me to believe that all therapists should have their own therapists. That is a helpful way to resolve issues and also to prevent isolation because confidentiality is protected. I wonder if this is a common practice for therapists because I have a feeling it is not.
In response to Stephens first comment...
I agree that failures are necessary for growth, both in and outside of therapy. It is so important for the therapist to demonstrate grace unconditionally to their client when they make mistakes. But it is just as important for the therapist to have grace within themselves as well. Embracing limits is important for healthy therapists and effective therapy. I can imagine that therapists are hard on themselves when they make mistakes, because the ramifications can be severe, but it is important to practice grace and learn from the mistake.
First, and foremost, I would like to say that this is one of the best books I have read this quarter! I was seriously laughing while reading, not myself but aloud, haha I love this guy! Back to the assignment...
1)On the opening page of Chapter 3, Kottler states, "All powers of observation, perception, sensitivity, and diagnosis are equally useful with clients, family, or friends (p. 39)." This statement particulary resonated with me, because I tend to diagnose my family and my friends, and I only have an undergraduate degree! I can only imagine the extent to which this will occur as I continue through this graduate program. I know this probably is not healthy, but at the same time it is amusing. Should we do this, as long as we keep it to ourselves?
2)On page 71, Kottler uses an anectdote to describe that psychologists don't always have all of the answers. I found this particularly comforting. I feel that society looks up to psychologists for all the answers to their mental, social, spiritual, and sometimes physical problems. At times I feel pressured to know the answer to everything, but the reality is that we are just humans, who have acquired a certain amount of knowledge that is to help us with our careers. I feel this is the same to all professions. A cashier at McDonald's has to learn about the enterprise and how the register functions, just as a police officer must learn the laws, and how to use a weapon. However, none of these profession are expected to have all of the answers. So, I think its good to remember this, and remember just like McDonald's workers and police officers were do no have to have all the answers.
In Response to Jenn's statement 1:
1) I think you raise a good point. I think look at the Bible would be a great way to figure out money matters when it comes to psychology!
I was struck by the account of the woman who was both a therapist and a volunteer working with people or families affected by AIDS (p. 46). I couldn't help but think of possible parallels that may arise within a Church setting, such as even a Bible study, in which members of a group you are a part of, identify you as a psychologist and then appeal to you for advice. It is seems like such a conflict, because once one is a therapist, they are that both inside and outside of the therapy setting, however outside of the therapy setting roles can become very confusing. It seems like a difficult dilemma to discern when to share your insights as a psychologist, but at the same time, avoiding these types of complicated, even dual relationships. How does one do this?
Kottler discusses the joys of being a therapist and working with people and even says that we learn about the client, but as we do this, we learn even more about ourselves (p. 60). It seems to be clear that being a therapist is a rewarding career, however I wonder where the line is as far as knowing when the rewarding nature of being a therapist in a helping relationship with others can begin to fill needs of the therapist and when this can be dangers. To what extent is that a good or even great thing, and to what extent can it be a bad thing?
In response to Rebecca Kulzer:
I definitely think that you have raised some valid questions and I do think that therapy should change with each client, however I think that it is still fundamental that as the therapist, one is familiar with the emotion and issues present in one's own life as they will affect the therapeutic relationship regardless. I think that the therapist must be able to adapt to each client, but still have a constant sense of self and be familiar with what is going on for them.
Brittany Rice November 12, 2009
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